So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
