just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish my penis had a tongue
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
