i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
