I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
