Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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