It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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