Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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