I wish I only lived at night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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