I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
