You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
