Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
