Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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