Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my liver is dry heaving
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
