she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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