it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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