If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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