Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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