I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
