Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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