i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
