she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have already put on my inside pants.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
