Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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