well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
