She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
