Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
