dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
