I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
