on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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