There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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