Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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