Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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