Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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