Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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