Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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