my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
