me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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