But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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