if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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