he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
