Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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