The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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