I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
