did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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