It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
someone owes me an orgasm
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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