Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
