Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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