My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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