i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
