Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
