I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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