So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
