I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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