Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
