Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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