I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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