WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
