My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
