Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
