We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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