How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
