her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I look better un-naked...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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