According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
