I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
