Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
