It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
