o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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