Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
