how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
