sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
smell my finger.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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