remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
