I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
