you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
