I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
