24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
