Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
