There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
