Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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