We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
