It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
