dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A bitchslap is in order.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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