My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's never too late to be topless.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
