Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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