After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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